Had an up and down day yesterday. She came home Sat. night, and came on the front porch to have a R talk. What sticks out most in that conversation is that somehow she brought up the A, and said "at least I told you. When you were looking at porn, I had to find it, so you our situations are way different." It took everything in me not to explode and say, "yeah, but I've never touched another woman....". I didn't, later in the conversation I mentioned, "If you don't want to be with me, that is your choice, and I will respect that." She lost it, and said "that is all that anything with you comes down to, is that..." She stormed off and I let her walk.
Yesterday morning, woke up, and she wants to get right back into the R talk...she makes the comment "you think you are hurting, I tried for 10 years to make this relationship work, and I got nothing from you. You have only been trying for 6 months." She has re-written our history (I know this is a symptom of WW), and made it seem like I was the worst guy in history for the rest of our marriage. She said "maybe it's best if I go away until we think we can get along". I told her, "if that is what you choose, I will support it, but that is not what I want."
5 minutes later she says we should take our S for a picnic with her family today. Per vets' advice, I agree, trying to keep it light and rebuild a friendship first. We go, have a great time, and then we go to a farm to pick strawberries, just me, W, and S. Have a great time together, get home, and she is laying on the bed resting, so I go outside w/ S to play basketball. I come back in and she is acting cold, so I say "if you would like to talk about something we can." She says she is mad bc she was trying to spend time with me and I went outside and left her there. Keep in mind, she never alluded to spending time at that moment with me, and was on her phone (FB, Insta, Pinterest), so I assumed she was not really into "spending time." I apologize and validated (more), and we layed there together quietly, awkward but no talks/fighting.
Last night she says she is going shopping with her sister. I totally support her and tell her to have fun. She comes home and is super friendly and has bought me all kinds of stuff????
We went to bed together in peace, so it was a long day, but it ended well.
Guess I'll keep taking it one day at a time.
Up and down the roller coaster goes.
Me-35, W-31 T: 12 M: 11 S5 BD: 11/2016, Wants Divorce Divorce off table 1/17 EA (11/2016)/PA (3/17)confirmed Status Unknown as of 3/29/17
