Round 2

[Tryin2figuritout]

Yesterday was a bit of roller coaster and been waiting for it. The W and I took the munchkins to see Beauty & The Beast and had a fantastic time. We then went over to my FIL for Sunday dinner and things were good, but very heavy for my W.

She's consumed by guilt (her words not mine) on knowing she's disrupting our lives, our family's lives, our friend's lives, etc. This is where I do think the apartment/home schedule will be helpful to get some space to breathe.

We talked about it a bit before bed and I was extremely cautious in this discussion but firm. Trying my best to not explode on her with all my stuff and just listen, validate, support.

I felt like Sandi and 25 were playing their best Robot from Lost in Space on my shoulder because there were a few "Danger Will Robinson, Danger" moments. :-)

The W talked about taking all this in stages to keep our head's on straight. Apartment first, getting schedules down, etc. No paperwork, no financial, etc.

I said I was in no rush there. We need the space to breathe and let the dust settle. We need a number of weeks, a few months to just be before doing anything else and she was fine with that, but I can see her perspective is to take the steps for a D.

I said something to the effect of needing to understand the new norm (50% time with kids, financial impacts of splitting, etc.) and that is that what we want. She said its definitely not what she wants, but it might be what we have to do. She said is the right answer supposed to be that she just stays and I said no and that I know that's not how this works.

I stopped there because I was feeling "Danger Will Robinson" all over this. I knew no talk of my changes, being aware, doing things different would just set her off.

We spoke again this morning and about my emotions having been shut off for so long (my depression issues I'm working on). She said there's just so much hurt there for so long and I understand.

It turned into a playful discussion on our finances which was ridiculous. I said something about a million dollar idea that I should try and sell and she said, "well you just said this in our house, so that's community property buddy". I told her those profits were going to be stored in a mattress in my parents house for later, gave her a hug and a kiss on her head from behind.

This stuff gets strange from time to time. I see her tea leaves and I'm working at accepting knowing it doesn't change my path. Hope everyone has a great Monday (who am I kidding, I'm not sure there is anything as a great Monday).