Then the wife pulled the old bait and switch. For the first four years of my relationship, there was lots of affection and sex everyday. Then the first kid comes along, and my lover was replaced with a mom. The sex drive has declined ever since for 14 more years. I believe that her drop in desire is 75% physical and 25% relational. I could probably come up with a least a dozen contributing factors. No realize that I can have sex with her more often if I ask. I have to take the initiative 100% of the time. We have sex about once every 6-8 weeks now, so we in effect have a sexless marriage by definition. I am not sure what her love languages are, but they definitely are not physical touch. My wife never touches me, never flirts with me, never kisses me (last time was almost a year ago), and never wants sex. She is like the women that Michelle decribes in her book, not only fo many women lose interest in sex, they also avoid affection, since this can lead to sex. Jonathan, you are a lucky man in that your wife still can be affectionate. Mine chooses not to be.
Confidence, how can a guy keep his confidence level up when his wife tells him that she is no attarcted to him, that she hates to kiss him, that she does not care if she ever has sex again. (And I am attractive for a 45 year old guy). I get rejected probably 75% of the times that I try to initiate sex.
My love language is physical touch. The only things that my wife can do to show me love is to have sex or to be affectionate. Anything else that she does is appreciated, but it is not love to me. These other things will not deposit any love in my love bank. My wife wants me around as her companion, not as her lover.
As far as the bible is concerned, I have been doing a fair amount of reading frome christian web sites, and yes, divorce is allowed by the bible (not preferred though) for commiting a sexual sin. What is a sexual sin? Infidelity is one that most people think of. But withholding sex from your spouse is also. Also, if you are a man and you do not meet you wifes needs outside of sex, this is also a sexual sin. So no the question becomes, how much sex does a couple have to have to avoid commiting the sexual sin of withholding sex? That is never really defined. But since I am in a marriage that experts list as being a sexless marriage, I am guessing that my wife is probably commiting a sexual sin. God does not like sexless marriages because he knows that men are weak and their eyes will wander. He gave men an unbelieveable sex drive, so he wants couples to LOVE making love if yiou read the song of solomen. He knows that BOTH spouses will have severe problems if they do not meet each others needs as described in the song. In fact, he bans the withholding of sex by one partner except for times where both parties agree, and even then, only for praising him for short durations.
