I realized I haven't let go. My ex, definitively had a girlfriend last spring at least into fall and not sure the current situation but it just devastated me. He had left the summer before that, so he has every right. He had every right to end our marriage. To end our relationship. But it still hurts terribly. I know every one here has gone through this tenfold. I always wondered but never actually had proof there was an affair. He still insists there was none. This would not be an affair either. It would just mean he moved on. And I am deeply pained and hurt. And started texting about whether he was cheating when we were together.
Really, really not good for me. 1. I still haven't let go 2. A large part of me wanted him to one day realize the error of his ways and come back filled with recourse. 3. Anger. That he is reliving our youth of going out to restaurants with another woman, while I am left to raise our son mostly by myself and needing the financial support of my parents. 4. Hurt that I was so easily replaced and forgotten and discarded.
I am also finding proof that he had what I believe could have been a serious alcohol problem for many many years. It's pretty much there in black and white, but I doubt myself. I was never much of a drinker and just didn't see it. And he was the master at secrets. And I was oblivious and consummEd with my own anxieties.
