One week to be divorced... and counting

[Ripe]

25yearsmlc,

First, let me start by saying this, because I really need to say it.
When I found this site back in 2014 (Oh my God, already three years) it was like a safe haven for me.
I spent hundreds, literally hundreds of hours, reading posts, old and new.
And you are on the top three posters I read more. I think I read everything you have ever written here. And I learned a lot with you.
Thank you for all the knowledge you transmit.

Now, to what you just wrote.
I never wanted to divorce and I wanted to reconcile. It happened briefly in 2015 when I was DBing at full speed. But I guess my wife was beyond MWD powers, so I got the divorce decree (I have also a legal background, but I am not a native speaker) last Friday.
I only knew about it today, when I went to my mailbox.
There was no legal obligation for me to be at the final hearing, so I was represented by a lawyer and I asked him not to inform me about the date and just send me a message when it would be done.
Ex-Wife (first time I say this) made a point of being present at that hearing, so she paid for the plane ticket and went to mainland for one week. It had something to do with being present at the wedding and at the end of it, she told a friend.
Right now I am not thinking about reconciliation. I find XW the least attractive woman in the world (and I have not been with a woman for almost two years). Someone who can cause so much pain to the two persons I love more in this world does not deserve my love.
So maybe it was some anger that made me have doubts about swapping the days like she asked.
We have been pretty flexible since we physically separated in October 2015 and I am OK with it. For me what is written in the agreement can be changed if both parents consent, just like you said. What made me have the doubts was the fact that lately we were swapping a lot. So this, coupled with the fact that I knew why she was asking for the change in the routine, made me want to say no. Also because I want what is best for the kids and sometimes it is difficult to clearly see what that is. Is changing all the time good for the kids, even if both parents agree?
And that was why I came here.
But now I can admit that knowing she was flying to get the divorce she wanted was the main reason why I did not want to change like she asked.
You are right, 25y, we need to choose our battles wisely.
And this one was not worth it.

Right now I also feel relieved. Since the bomb the suffering has been too much. This divorce settles it. I can move on.

Your IC advice on grief is very wise.
Before, I would avoid my pains and anxieties and try to run away from them.
My new me learned this precious two words when I started meditating: "I consent".
Right now I consent to the pain I am feeling.