trying to keep up with you

[Altair]

Hello everyone
(and a special shout out to Coly, and, HI AP)
H Update:
Like Coly, the past 2 weeks were NC. I admit, I "spun out" today and called him. He asked if I was calling for a certain reason, I said no, I just wanted to say hi. We talked for about 20 minutes. He asked me about work, I kept my answers short and positive. I asked about his, he was joking and saying he wishes they'd fire him right now instead of him staying until May. He didn't sound down or upbeat either. The only odd thing was he kept asking: are you sure there's no reason for this call? I kept answering no, just saying hello. Then he said maybe in 2 weeks or so he'd see what I was up to. I said great, he said he had to go he was finishing up some work.


And that was that. No mention of moving East or any of that, although it is definitely happening. I asked if he'd found a place and he said not yet and quickly changed the subject.


So, on to journaling:
I'm still seeing IC, I think it is going well. I don't have the lows that I had at BD and after, but I don't have too many ups either. I'm lonely and alone and have been living here in this place for a year (cannot believe time has flown by). Coming up on BD anniversary, and of us being "separated" for ten months and counting. H wanted to start D paperwork a month ago, haven't heard anything yet but like I've said, I always wonder if he's trying to get me to initiate it-- heck no! I've looked at that paperwork and it's a mess of forms-- no way!


So basically these days I'm just blah. Food tastes like cardboard, I don't get pleasure out of things that I used to enjoy. I'm figuring H's depression has rubbed off on me a bit, I am just trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings and basically it's been a year of h3ll and I guess this is the end of the line with H moving in 8 or so weeks. (and suggesting we meet in 2). I just need a boost.

I got a note on my car and a phone number the other day from a guy who works at a restaurant i go to lunch often asking me out and saying i seem 'chill, with good energy'. He's nice but obviously, I just can't. He saw me after and said, look we can just have coffee, it wont be a date. I thought to myself he was very smart about how he went about taking the pressure off, but right now, I cannot. Yesterday I went to the spa and soaked in the hot tub for a really long time- my GAL activity I suppose.

Well, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and take care.