Dealing with Devastation

[giftd]

Venting session-
So at a friend and counselors recommendation I read "men are from mars women are from venus". Got some communication things from it that applied to me, felt down a bit from the last meeting because of her feeling like I was responsible for her giving up her hobbies. Obviously this was her decision, but there are reasons she felt the way she did, right or wrong. I see how I contributed and the book said to write a structured letter and read it to the other person. I had to call on Wednesday (two days after our face to face meeting) and figure out some insurance things so I wrote it, talked it over with a friend and read it to her.

The timing was bad, it was after she had just got done work (I didn't know) but she listened and thanked me for reading it. Asked about the animals and a couple small talk questions and answered mine about the insurance. At first I felt better, she didn't say anything about it but she listened and I acknowledged her feelings and told her mine. I loved her hobbies, felt it was important for her decompressing from working absurd hours (but I didn't tell her that part). An hour later I felt like crap. Contact, even with the positive momentum I've found lately leaves me wanting more and empty when it's over.

I found out she is selling her personal car (it's in her name) and just using the work car while she lives down there. She offered to let my roommate (our friend) buy it but he declined. He asked what she would do for personal trips and she said she isn't making many so it won't matter. This bothered me more than it should. Feels like she is still purging, like she was cutting off her escape route. Not sure how to approach these types of situations because I'm looking too much into it and obviously need to detach. I just can't. If I wake up strong I feel terrible by the end of the day or vice versa.

I know that I have made progress from a month ago, I just know that I've made changes to myself that I needed to. I plan to keep with them and be consistent. But it's the fact that this isn't guaranteed, that it isn't tit for tat. She might not be working on herself at all. Just wears on my mind. She's worth the pain and bad days, just hard to do when I'm home alone. Roommate doesn't come back for 3 more weeks, trying to make friends is hard right now.

Have to call her tonight to ask her to stay at the house to watch the animals next weekend so I can go visit a friend 4 hours away. Driving 4 hours away is something I wouldn't have done and I need to get out of the house for a while. Just need to set my boundaries and see if she agrees. -End venting