One week to be divorced... and counting

[25yearsmlc]

PS Ripe

I just read your whole thread again. I want to be very sure I understand your situation correctly.

I'm picking up on 2 related but separate issues.

1) You never wanted the divorce, and you'd still rather reconcile, correct?

You also said your showing up on the mainland is not required, but she's going. So Are you represented there?

Do you wish to delay the divorce by not signing or showing up?

Some say the number of people who remarry their former spouses is as high as 15%, some say it's 10%. This number is for couples who actually divorce, then remarry).

Would you be, at least in theory, open to ^^ this??

2) You Do want shared custody and you'd prefer no changes ever made to the arrangement, but you concede that in rare cases, it makes sense, correct?

So you are really debating how to adhere more closely to the agreement, correct?

I just want to know what your specific concerns are.

Almost every American jurisdiction will include a clause that states what the arrangements are and that "With both parties consent, this can be modified".

That's b/c the court wants parents to cooperate and b/c it does not want to use up time on its' docket to decide if Tuesday nights at 8 pm can be changed to 7pm. God knows that Lawyers make more money by debating these things.

One of my bff's is a divorce attorney (ugh!) She is amazed at how much of her "income would be gone, if the parents could just cooperate just a little more."

Ripe,
Are you concerned that you are "enabling the divorce", by taking the kids on her day?

QUESTIONS-- if she were to have a babysitter or relative care for them those days, rather than you, would you prefer that?

If that is not ever allowed in the decree, does that mean when you have the kids you can't ever have someone else watch them for an evening or a few hours? Because Someday you might want that.

If I understand your earlier posts, showing up in person isn't required for D finalization which is why you are not attending.

So, what are your options IF delaying the divorce is a goal?

Finally, Dig deep.

You don't have to say it here.

But it's important for you to know what your biggest emotions are right now. Whatever you are feeling down deep, absolutely affects how we see our situations

and can push us in directions that may not serve us well.

Do you feel fear, anger, sadness, regret, remorse, longing, acceptance, denial,

Some or all of ^^^these? They can all make sense.

Sometimes when we know what our heart is dealing with, we can see our situations more clearly.

My IC told me something about grief, when my mother died suddenly. I think it applies to any significant loss.

"If we stare at our grief, we can feel overwhelmed & paralyzed.

If we push it away or hide from it, it can sneak up & push us in the wrong direction.

So we have to learn to walk with grief beside us. The wound is there, but it's not paralyzing us or pushing us."

Good luck Ripe.