Barring medical conditions, I think when you are in a relationhip where there is no -- or minimal -- physical intercourse and physical affection, you are looking at a relationship where BOTH parties are suffering from a 'lack' of something.
Even when you are faced with a medical condition, a person can 'chose' to do what they are able to communicate love in a way that is most meaningful to their spouse. No, the world does not need to 'rcok' for you, the sex may not even 'do' anything for you, but if you KNOW it does something significant for your spouse, you can chose to love them in that manner simply because it is meaningful to THEM. This does not mean 'duty sex,' this does not mean giving a loud sigh and saying, 'oh, all right, if you MUST.' That is not loving to me. That is demeaning, resentful and caustic, and certainly mean-spirited.
Unfortunately, I think what happens to most couples is they get into an emotional 'stand-off.' Because you are not recieving love in a way that is meaningful to you, you have little or no motivation to love your spouse in a way that is meaninful to them. The chasm only gets bigger and bigger in this scenario. SOMEONE HAS TO STOP THE MADDNESS, and if you are not willing to commit to a six month 'trial,' of giving to your spouse in a manner that is meaningful to them, without any expectation of 'getting' anything in return, I think you are going to have a hard time getting anything up and off the ground.
The way I look at it is, the state you are in is sh!t anyway. What's another six months if you think you may have some hope of turning the ship, or at least answering once and for all that you have tried everything possible, in your power, before you cut the cord for good.
Is it fair? No. Will it work? There's no gaurantee.
I just ordered The Passionate Marriage, so give me a few days to get it and read the infamous chpt. 11. I'll let you know if I get the same thing out of it as you.
Just curious. Do you think you have an idea what your wife' love language is?
