I originally made the appointment to see IC for my sake. To get my own action plan in place before we do MC, plus the appointment was made before your suggestion.
I'm not sure I understand. Are you wanting the IC to advise you as what to do in going forward?
I suggest the therapy be one of the priorities as part of your plan of action. If the IC couldn't spend an hour with you, maybe you need to seek a better one.
By calling it a plan of action, I mean you plan out what and how to take steps getting to a better place in your life, instead of blindly stumbling around and not progressing at all. Seeing an IC may help you have a better sense of direction or clear your head. Plus, s/he may offer techniques for conflict resolutions. However, if s/he is not a solution based therapist, it may not be very benefitical. You may have to check out more than one or two.
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Although I get the most here, I'm having a hard time with the DB program because I work and live with W and we are around eachother most of the time. Its hard to be stealth.
Even more reason you need to give some space by leaving the house and going to the public library to read DR and do your posting, or whatever. It is important to get a life that does not include her all the time. Do you have hobbies, sports, male friends that you enjoy apart from her?
It is also part of your plan of action. You set time aside to go to a place where you can gain information in how to go forward with a healthy MR and balanced life.
Don't let too much time go by waiting from one IC appointment to the next.........while you do nothing. Have you made any plans for fun/interesting evenings at home and away from home? Anything special for the weekend? I realize the atmosphere can be tense in these situations, and that it's a real effort to plan ahead to have non-pressured time together. I recommend having friends over for a cookout, or meeting up to engage in some fun activities (bowling, live shows, etc.). Doing these type of things in small groups help to step away from so much drama between you and the W. Like I said, it takes effort, and you will probably have to be the encourager, b/c your W may be depressed after ending the affair.
She has a lot of inner work to do before you may see what you deem as "heavy lifting" from her. Both of you have a lot of work ahead...........but it may not always appear equal in your opinion. It's b/c her work and your work are somewhat different and not at the same pace.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
