welcome to the club no one wants to be a member of. I just read your sitch and it is very similar to most of our sitches. You are very lucky to have Jeep giving you advice. He is a seasoned warrior and a treasure trove of good advice. Listen to him, he is pure gold. Sunmoon is also golden. Even though she does not have years of experience to her, she is very wise and clearly very open to intuition. Kaizen also a great poster.
You are 3 months post BD and still in shock. This is normal. Things will likely turn for worse for you once the shock wears off, and that too is normal. You have to quit seeing her action as something that is done to hurt you. Not everything she does is designed to hurt you, in fact hardly anything she does (or says) has anything to do with you. IT IS ALL ABOUT HER. In her eyes she has been unhappy for years with you and not that she's broken free of you, she is finally happy (so she things) as it is only logical to be happy when disconnected from her source of unhappiness. It will take time for her to reach the conclusion that the reason for unhappiness is within her and it is not you. You cannot do anything to help the situation, but you can do soo much to screw it up.
YOU WILL NOT FIND THE SILVER BULLET TO CHANGE THINGS AROUND. Quit looking and save yourself the time. Work on yourself. Get a life. Get busy living and not pining away for her. Looking pathetic, needy and just being a hot mess is soooooooooo unattractive to anyone. There is nothing you can do to turn the sitch around for her. Print out Sandi's rules. Have them laminated. REad them daily. Twice daily. It is not you, it's her. That does not mean that you are without fault. You are not. You are a human being. You are faulty by default. Now is the time to better yourself and trust me, you can do with bettering yourself. Quit being a please, quit being a "nice guy" (when you finish DB, i recommend reading No more Mr. Nice guy).
As for common friends, they are just perplexed with the whole sitch and I believe they are not taking sides. Her friends will take her side, and some will choose to be distant so that it does not appear they are taking sides. It's normal, that is just the way things are.
