Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 9

[PsySara]

So a little update; WH's cousin has been staying a few weeks and will be heading home in a week. She has been a vital alliance to the marriage and she knows what happened. My WH considers her a very close friend as well as his cousin. Last night WH and I had a quickie and then I went to bed. Later I came out to get a glass of water and overheard a convo between them.

WH was talking about the OW and how much it hurt when she broke off the affair. He said, "I was willing to give 100% of myself if she would have just married me and she didn't. So I think it's a mistake to give so much of yourself to anyone." I could hear his cousin gently ask him about me and the marriage. Basically WH said he felt I had abandonment issues and wouldn't let him leave. He said he was unable to "feign" emotion for me and he didn't feel for me what he felt for OW. I felt my blood drain to my feet. He went on to also say that I was "too much" in love with him and he felt I was afraid no one would want me. He also said he felt okay if we broke apart because he knew he'd be able to get another woman. She asked him about the fact that we share a home, marriage, children and a bed. He mumbled something about sleeping on the floor (which he has done on and off) and that we were basically room mates. Keep in mind we had just ML about an hour ago.

There was more but that was the jist of it. I texted WH that I needed to talk with him tonight after the kids were in bed, that I had overheard the convoersation last night. He simply replied, "Okay :)" The smiley threw me...I guess he is hunky dory with the fact I overheard all that. I am gutted, truly I am. I think it's time for me to give up and admit this marriage is not salvageable. WH has zero respect for me and I am apparently a piece of @sss to him. He even told her how much I had changed for the better but he couldn't "love" me, just care for me.

So the kids have been bathed and I will put them to bed soon. Part of me is relieved, I am tired of waiting for WH to decide if I am worthy enough. I still see no real remorse and very little effort from him, and I see no real change in him.