I don't believe any member here tries to pump sunshine and roses or give false hope. Most try to help redirect the focus away from the M/R, to improving the person here, in order to have the best chance of saving their M/R.
Improving the person is the first and foremost thing. If, and that's IF, the spouse decides to come back, then that's all fine and dandy. However, they won't if the person is still the same one as what led them to reach that decision.
And, I've not pumped doom and gloom, but reality. People must stand on their own two feet before anything else can happen. Otherwise, its more of the same. Yet, to classify those of us on here who don't exactly fall into line of the masses as jaded or doomers, well that's a very leftist point of view.
We all have the same goal - to save the PERSON first. If the marriage can be saved, great. If not, then that person is better off than when they came. Sure, "lots" of marriages may have been saved, but don't forget the alternative. This place is about the person first and foremost.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
