Today has been hard. not sure why. I haven't cried, but my brain wants to go back to panic mode, and my stomach is turning. last night I was fine. just not feeling it today...He is at counseling right now as we speak. He got up late, we exchanged 'good mornings' and a few minutes later I let him know I was taking off. he scanned me up and down and knew I wasn't dressed for work but he didn't ask where I was going.
I know the feeling. I've been up and down so many times that it was worse than a roller coaster. His actions remind me so much of my ex's. From the time she left to move to her next duty station to divorce, 90% of our conversation when something like this: "S." That's it. Just an "S" for Skype. It numbed me so much that it got to the point of me not even caring to see her face on the screen when the kids talk. And that's where I am now. I just don't care anymore.
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I went to pick up my longbow smile
Sweet! Let me know how you like it. Oh, I've extended the offer to join our band of misfits at TW and it still stands.
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It's really hard sleeping next to someone that you know doesn't love you anymore
It is sucktastic. No other way to say it. But DO NOT leave the room and marital bed. He left the marriage, not you.
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, I hate this! I keep thinking I didn't do anything bad enough that deserved all this; Like I'm being punished. I know deep down it's not the case. I guess another wave of emotions are starting to surface
No, no you didn't. None of us did. And you aren't being punished - not in the least bit, but I get what you are saying. It just plain is sucktastic that they choose to leave a good family. Sigh. It is what it is.
You'll find that over time the emotions will diminish. However, he - just like my ex - will always be a ghost locked somewhere away in your mind. They will never truly disappear, and neither will these emotions, no matter how much we want them to. There will always be something that will kick it off - not as bad as now, but still there. Me? Even though I'm divorced and this marriage isn't returning, there are little things that will flood the memories back. It's all in how we process and compartmentalize.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
