Status Unknown

[Gordie]

LW2381,

I just read through your thread and have a few thoughts for you:

1. Looking back on the first months of my situation, I can see now that I was a complete and utter emotional mess. This is not attractive at all. You still sound pretty emotional, which is normal. Do what you have to do for yourself to get to a better place. Get the support you need. Vent your feelings to a confidante who is not your W, don't stuff them.

2. You need to avoid the R talks and like Sandi says, when your W initiates them, your job is to just LISTEN. Make eye contact, make your W know that you are listening, but don't feel like you need to defend yourself, make counterpoints, or express your feelings "I can't live like this much longer"... There may be a time for that in the future, but it is not now. You're too emotional and the situation is too fragile, so the most important thing is that your W feels like you are listening.

3. Your W is an emotional roller coaster right now. Everyone here says detach, detach, detach. This is very hard to do and as someone who struggled with it...here's what I learned. My W's crazy ups and downs were controlling MY feelings. W was happy, then I was happy. W was angry, then I was sad. Work on stopping this dynamic. Your W is going to treat you like doggy doo some days...don't get down...be steady. Other days, W will want to be close to you...don't get too excited...be steady.