I am so grateful for all of you. This forum has and is still helping me cope daily. I am a committed, loyal and honest person and so it is hard for me to accept what is being done to me. I have never stepped out of our marriage, I have always, always taken care of him. Sure, I have issues, I'm not the best wife all the time, and sometimes I know that I can be way out of line, but none of us are perfect. I feel I deserve so much more than what I am currently being treated like; And to know that treatment is coming from the one person I love the most- the one I share my secrets, insecurities, hopes and dreams, the physical me, the emotional me. It's such a feeling of betrayal. I still do have my moments every day where I break down, I feel like its all coming crashing down and I'm losing everything, and then I have my moments that I know I'm strong and will get through this. not to get too spiritual, but my belief is our lives are already predestined before we come to this earth- we choose what happens to us in order for us to learn a lesson, fulfill karma or grow spiritually. I can see where this whole mess is teaching me a lesson; how to let go and trust. how to be strong, how to stand up for myself, and how to learn to be happy with myself first. because, quite frankly, I lack all of those qualities at this point. I have always been looking outward for my happiness, and I have always let myself be a doormat, in every area of my life. childhood situations have made me distrust everyone in my life, however I have been seeking counseling for everything I just listed, and I have had many, many breakthroughs (go me!!)
