Sorry you're here, but welcome aboard. Lots of good people here to share the pain. We all have different sitch's, but we're all in this thing to support each other.
The best thing you can do for yourself is try and focus away from saving your M in the traditional sense. She told you that she's not in love with you and has not been for some time. I heard the same thing from my W 4 years ago.
What I learned from DB and the fine people here is to turn inward to working on making the best you that AllHope can be and it worked. For me, I lost focus to make permanent changes and am back into the fray again.
If you focus on being the best person you can be and best father you can be, you will make more headway than trying to reason with your W on saving your M. It is a lot of work as you mentioned because you're doing all the heavy lifting for the two of you, but it CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
I wish you luck in this process and remember it's a marathon and not a sprint.
Hope this helps. Be well.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
