Blu, Skyhigh, SBJ and OwnIt........thank you for all the good thoughts, suggestions and support. As always it is greatly appreciated.
I have worked the past 2 days, and as usual it was very emotionally draining, so that is why I am just now posting
The meeting with H was VERY LONG. We decided to meet for dinner at 7:30. When I arrived at the restaurant he was waiting in the parking lot for me. When I got out of the car and approached him he couldnt even look me in the eye. I spoke first to say hello, and of course I initiated small talk. As we sat down to eat, he continued to not be able to look me in the eye. I made sure to make eye contact with him at all times.
The conversation was 98% about him, which was what I expected. I did A LOT of validating. The more I listened, the more he talked. We spoke about many different things, but I wont bore you with those details. His life, his job, his working out, how he has changed what he is eating, how he is struggling financially, how he is losing his hair. If I recall, he did ask me one question about my job, but nothing else about me. He did make one comment about me working out and said that I looked good.
There were times when he made comments that I did not agree with, and I had to take a breath so that I wouldn't say something I would regret. I will say there were a few times that I rolled my eyes at what he was saying.
He again said he was sorry that it took him so long to apologize to me for the A and how he has acted towards me since. He did mention that he has told family and other close friends that I am not the horrible person he made me out to be, and that the reason I was only acting the way I was, was because of how he was treating me. I was SHOCKED to hear that. He continues to work on himself, and I can hear that in how he speaks. He is still being deceptive and manipulating things, which I don't know if he will ever be able to stop doing. I told him that I was proud of him because I knew it was difficult for anyone to do that, let alone him.
We finally made it to our vehicles around 11:30 pm. He asked to see my new car and ended up sitting inside of it. Well....that turned into another 2 hours!!! He FINALLY brought up the money issues. He admitted that he is struggling pretty bad financially. He asked if I would be able to give him the tax money, and also about canceling his cell phone. He got a different number about 6 months ago because he thought I was doing something to his, so he now has 2 phones and 2 bills to deal with. I told him that I would do the right thing by giving him the tax money because it is his. I did not offer to write him a check or anything like that. I told him it would be up to him to figure out how he could get the money. We also spoke about selling the house. He admitted he was shocked that I wanted to sell it, and felt a bit sad about it being sold.
He made a comment to me about someone going through his trash around Christmas time and insinuated it was me. WELL.....I was in California at Christmas time, but what really upset me was that he would even think that I would do something like that. So....that was enough to get me upset. I did unleash a bit on him and told him I did not appreciate him even THINKING that I would do that. He said he is still paranoid about things because of what he did, and still looks over his shoulder and feels like people are always staring at him or following him.
I have not told him this before (or anyone else for that matter) ......... I have been worried that I was being followed when I get off work. I work late, sometimes don't leave the hospital until 11 or 12 midnight, so there are not many vehicles in the parking lot where I park. So, when I see another vehicle, and it ends up moving in the same direction as me, I get worried. This has happened a few times. I also have noticed a vehicle parked down the street from my house that is never usually there. And, one night after we (the dogs and I) had returned from a walk and I was standing in the front yard, one of the dogs started barking like crazy and ran to the end of the driveway. Well.....there was a guy standing there. So that freaked me out a bit. And, another night the dogs were in the backyard and one of them was barking like crazy and when I looked outside I thought I saw someone in the backyard. H got pretty upset after hearing that. He asked me what the guy looked like and then said that sounded like his APs husband. He felt bad because he felt this was happening as a result of his poor choices.
I asked him why he hadn't filed for D, after all it's been 16 months since we have been separated. I asked if it was because he couldn't afford it and he said "no, I'm still trying to figure things out." Not really sure what that means.
I told him that our previous M longer existed and that I need to move forward. I told him that he knows how I feel, and that moving forward I did not know what our relationship would be like, but that I am going to continue to work on myself, and only time will tell.
He mentioned several times that he was going to go home, but would not get out of the car. We would continue to speak for a bit more and he would say he needed to go but again wouldn't get out of the car. So finally at 1:30 in the morning I said "its' time for you to go home." He hesitated, and then did get out of the car. I got out, gave him a hug and then he drove off.
He knew I was working the next two days, and texted me to ask me if I made it home okay. I thought that was nice of him. He also told me how he wanted me to send him the money (electronically). I did not acknowledge that text cause it was after I got home after work last night. Today, he has called to ask me if I got his text. I was speaking with my realtor when he called and I have not called him back.
I feel different after that meeting with him. His eyes were empty and he was expressionless a lot of the time. And not to mention, he is still so selfish and focused only on himself. I feel like I can FINALLY drop the rope, focus on me and move forward.
I have contacted a realtor, and have started looking for places to live. I am going to move out as soon as I can, whether I sell this house or not. I need to move forward.
