When you first came onto this board, I drew some strong parallels between your situation and mine, and if memory serves, I pointed out the significance of your wife's delusional affair, and how it indicates possibly poor mental health.
That thread mentions erotomania (there is a Wikipedia page on it), in which a person constructs a whole world of delusions that support his/her erotic obsession. Your wife may be suffering from it or something related to it.
I have been cautioned by others that I may be too quick to diagnose mental disorders in this forum, and I fully accept that admonition. But in this case I strongly advise that you seek professional opinion/help. You don't have to be the one suffering from a mental health problem to see a professional. They will see family, and it should be covered by insurance. I strongly suggest you shop around a bit -- ask people you know for recommendations. Ask your primary care physician. Find a mental health professional who has experience with this type of a problem. Don't just pick a random therapist. My guess is that you will want to see a psychiatrist (an MD, as opposed to counselors, like those w/ MSW, LCSW titles).
Until/unless you obtain professional input, I would just continue to validate and communicate support and warmth.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
