Got a large envelope in the mail yesterday. It was moderately thick. Immediately I noticed it was ex's handwriting. Weird how I haven't seen his writing in over 2 years but I could still spot it with precision. It was addressed to me in my maiden name with no return address. (Eye roll)
I didn't want to open it, but I felt it and realized there were several odd shaped paper items in it. I was guessing it could be tax forms, old marriage cert., birth certificate, other docs, etc. anyway, I opened it, and not knowing what it could be, I prepared myself to get a punch in the gut. In it I found that he had mailed me a few pieces of junk Mail along with my car registration renewal. Ok, it was nice of him to send me the renewal notice since he's not speaking to me.... But 5 pieces of junk mail??? I mean, overt junk mail. Yard services, coupons, etc. wtf?!!!? Clearly I've had way more junk mail in the last 4 months since ive physically seen him. Why these random things?
I made up that he added those pieces so he could give me the registration, but not just send the registration...but why?
I have to be honest... I was a little annoyed by the fact that he sent it to me in my maiden name ( was it passive aggressive or was it that he hates me so much that I'm not worthy of his last name?). Then, I was scared and nervous for what could be in the envelope. Finally, when I went through everything, I just had to shake my head. Whatever.
I don't get him and I don't feel anything for him anymore. I still get affected by him to a degree, but that's when my personal psychological safety is concerned... I'm still on high alert with our interactions. It's like living in an environment where a predator is always present. Just can't relax and let my guard down. I'm really over that sense of constant insecurity. I want this to be over soon so I can feel safe from emotional warfare. Too bad the end is not even near.
Other than that.... He's nothing to me and it makes me sad. Hmmm. I honestly tried to mull it over and tried to think if him sending me the registration was a good sign... Maybe there's secret consideration for me afterall? But no, I don't have it in me to think like that anymore. Again... Sad.
Hmmm... Just wanted to jot these thoughts down while I had a few minutes before going to bed.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
