well after a serious, long heart to heart talk with my sister tonight, Ive decided that I'm no longer going to be his doormat. I have not only owned up to my mistakes, but I've reflected on them, and put into place changes regarding my behavior. He no longer gets to control what happens because he is "confused". I've realized I've been putty in his hands and I'm tired of feeling like I can't say or do things for fear he will leave. Tired of letting him call all the shots, while I sit here and bleed out.....done. I'm 180ing. If he leaves, then I guess it's a sign that he was going to probably leave eventually anyway, and that I have to take these last 9 years and use it as a lesson for the future. he texted me from work a few hours ago saying that he thinks he is having his first anxiety attack, chest is heavy, hard to breathe, wanting to yell and scream. and then again, used that line, "I'm just so confused"......DUDE. why are you coming to me to be soothed and comforted- I'm the one making you confused, right? seriously, It doesn't even make sense. I kindly just texted back, "Im sorry you feel that way. I know how it feels." and that was it. I'm just so tired of this game. he either loves me or he doesn't. man up, get help or get out. (I'm angry).
