But, anyway, she always wanted to be able to have guy friends, and I always complained about it and warned her how feelings could go beyond friendship. For a few years in the middle, she seemed to agree with me. She said when she told guy friends that she wasn't interested in being more than friends, they would leave her alone, indicating that my fears were justified. And so she didn't try to have guy friends pretty much ever, until she got to this new job, where she had to work with this guy
What was her definition of "guy friends"? Was she saying she wanted male friendships that were exclusive, private, with single and/or married?
FWIW, I share pretty much your viewpoint on married women forming friendships with men that restrict the spouses. Even in couples friendships, the man and women from opposite marriages should not carry on a private friendship without their spouses included. The same genders from the couples friendship would be fine doing things without their perspective spouses, but neither would it be considered private or secretive.
There is a difference, IMHO, in having business luncheons/meetings, and having co-workers with which you show a professional friendliness at the workplace............but the problem comes when the man & woman start pairing off and forming a private "friendship". (And this is true for married men making exclusive friendships with women). I know the arguments about how it makes no difference if someone decides to have an affair. I agree it won't necessarily band any affairs from taking place, but why set yourself up to have one? I suggest that most M people don't suddenly wake up one morning and decide to go out and have an affair......and proceed to shop for the nearest partner. People form acquaintances, attractions, friendships, etc. Then it develops into something more.
When some people have emotional needs that have been unmet in their MR, that can place them at risk for an affair...... if things don't change for the better. Would it have prevented your W from having an A if you had went out with her more? IDK how she acts around other men. But you accompanying her in social outings, would not have hurt, and perhaps would have met a need she obviously had expressed to you. That's not to say you are responsible for her affair, if she had one.
There are some people who just crave flirtatious attention.........they will push the boundaries. But that opens the door for more discussion than I have time to get into at the moment. Long story short........we have to affair proof our M as best we can. There is a reason for boundaries.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
