I have spent plenty of time blaming myself, 25. I've admitted my faults from day one, and have admitted them several times to my wife. In fact just this morning, I sent her a very long message about how I would jump in a second to redo 2016, if I were miraculously given the chance. It was basically a lot of all the things I did wrong or things that I didn't do enough.
I also want to add that my wife has never had any issue expressing anger. She has a temper. And after bomb drop, I saw levels of anger that dwarfed all previous anger I had seen from her.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.