My warning my wife about many men on tinder is not supposed to be a threat but
advice at a time when I believe she may be vulnerable. I guess it would not be welcome anyway. True. Besides, trying to fix her or her issues now is pointless b/c she's not here trying to save the m.
I believe you are right in what most women and my wife want and need. well and she also told you. As hurtful as that^^ may feel, I hope you can see the silver lining, which is her clarity.
Since my wife first talked about divorce I have got work but it has been extended hard to earn reasonable money due to getting used to a new trade and being dragged down emotionally by the situation and the intense worry, especially when my wife has gone out for the night with someone. I don't know what this^^ means. Are you working and earning enough to help out or provide for your family? Or are you saying you are too upset to do so?
And if you are too upset to provide, can you see how circular this^^ gets?
She resents that you don't contribute enough, but you're too upset to contribute much so....
there are at least 3 reasons Not to blame her for what you do.
1 - Because it does Not help you! It keeps you from taking responsibility for your life, which 2 - makes you powerless, and finally, I'm not sure it's fair anyhow.
From my wife's point of view, and actually what I was trying to achieve the marriage would include a husband that worked hard and earned enough for financial security.
Be Debt and worry free,
A loving relationship involving our children with laughter and good conversation, working toward goals whatever they may be. Regular trips home and abroad,
Both with a zest for life.
Yes James, I agree that most people want ^^ this type of life.
James, what about the counseling? I hope you will see someone. I thought I read that you struggled with depression and anxiety, over the past years. There is no judgement in that comment, I'm just trying to recap what I thought I read here.
In these grueling painful ordeals, I find 2 "upsides" are possible. (But WE must grab and make these happen. No one else can do it for us.)
First, pain is the touchstone for spiritual growth...or bitterness and victimhood.
this^^ is our exclusively Our choice.
Second, the LBS has NO painless options.
So at some point, we have to decide whether our discomfort with change in ourselves, and not knowing where it could lead,
is worse than our discomfort staying stuck, and facing the ordeal we are in.
IF our changes and growth begin as being all about reconciliation with our spouses, hopefully it will change and become for US (Otherwise the "tactics" will end b/c they are not authentic change).
Yet the paradox is that by letting go of the results and solely focusing on what is in "our sandbox", i.e. OUR OWN issues and flaws that WE want to work on,
we become who we were meant to become and yes, that makes us more attractive to our spouses.
Sometimes we become the people we were meant to become and that is what they wanted, all along.
Hang in there James.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
