So I've noticed one thing. At the beginning of this whole process after I would have eventually managed to get to sleep, I would wake up again and for a split second nothing had changed. And then it all hit me in the face, really hard. And I'd be plunged back into the nightmare that was my day to day existence.
Now, for about the past six months, I'll occasionally have a nightmare about it all, but be really flipping glad to wake up from it and be back in my own reality.
The nightmares are usually to do with one of us trying to get through to the other about something. One time it was me screaming at his parents (who were like a second family to me) about how I was feeling, and them just ignoring me, and carrying on as if nothing was happening.
The latest one was a nightmare about me walking back to me house, seeing WH coming towards me across the road (in the same, determined way that I did actually see him walk towards me in real life, at the event we were both at this time last year), me deciding to ignore him, carrying on walking. Then him catching up with me and telling me that OW (using her name) was expecting a baby and due in April. Except he mumbled it and said the words really quickly. In my nightmare I ignored him and he said it again, in the same garbled, mumbling way, then again, and again. Then I woke up.
Clearly I'm still processing stuff.
How long does the processing stuff carry on for?
Anyway, I'm home today. And working on project house
My living room is a mess at the moment, so my plan is to have tidied it up by the end of today. I am sorting out black tops and jumpers today (which I have far too many of, as I use them for a lot of different freelance work I do). So I'm trying everything on, deciding what to donate to the charity shops and washing the rest before tidying it all away neatly.
Then after that it's on to sorting bags. I'm going to take them all out of my cupboard and go through the same process. I have far too many, far, far too many : o) But that might be next week. Progress is pretty slow at the moment. But I'll take all the progress I can get, as even slow progress is still progress.
I'm planning on cooking something healthy for a late lunch (my new thing, well since BD) of fish and avocado. And listening to some of the music I've now been listening to (since BD). Reinvention all the way :))
