First time here

[25yearsmlc]

Hi everyone,
Back to Orange Theory Fitness today, and I beat my numbers from last week, so that made me so happy! I was seriously thinking I can't do this, it's too hard, but now I think I can.
I didn't talk much to H over the weekend, but we talked Sunday afternoon and he again mentioned coming down, possibly this coming weekend. I went to IC yesterday and that was good, since I had to skip the week before due to the flu. He called late yesterday afternoon and asked about coming down April 12-20! That's a long visit. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Um, yeah that^^ is a very long time. Dang...if possible I would plan at least a moderate amount of GAL so you can get a break. (Anyone would need to) Geez, I might fake some just to get a breather. A bit of pleasant mystery too!

Plus, with that amount of time

I would THINK he'll do one of the following things (Or a combination) and once you have a general plan for these options, let it go and don't obsess or overthink...

So he may be probing to see how things go...whether you are very angry and can't get past what has happened, or will throw it in his face, hold it over his head, etc.

AND OR, he will bring up the R and ask You what you want, or if you want to reconcile.

OR he will try to own things and Then ask what you want.

Even though you have wanted a reconciliation since this all happened, in a way, the last option (Where he tries to own things and reconcile)

would be the most challenging.

I think your safest option, given that you do want to reconcile, (or might), delay. Take time to process what's going on. Tell him you need time to think about it and See how YOU feel, not how HE feels...it's not like he should rush you...

Make sense?


I asked if he would plan on staying here, and he seemed stunned for a minute, as if that were a given. Then he kind of stammered, well, yes, if that's OK with you.


Perfect^^^

Between now and then, I'm going to work on keeping up my GAL activities, and start now practicing NO EXPECTATIONS. Light and breezy, kind and fun, no R talks.


Remember that you are "busy meeting fascinating people, going to fun places and meeting new interesting people!"

Come to think of it, maybe that^^ ought to be your voicemail message...

point is, you're trying to fit him in, but you know, you've changed your lifestyle and rediscovered who you were AND are becoming. IF he wants more and you're not ready (and how can you be, so quickly and sort of out of the blue?)
maybe you can "get to know" each other over time...

IF he brings up your flaws or things he was pained by, AND IF you think they are valid,

it's okay to say that "if I had it all to do again, there are lots of things I'd do differently".

Shows willingness to change and some changes already, while not being a doormat to him.

LISTEN to whatever he says. But be ready to just show that you two can enjoy each others' company without dissecting the r.

Then maybe build on that^^...

But I do think it may be harder for me to do that with him here that long as opposed to just a weekend. I just need to really get myself in a good, strong mindset, and allow myself to take breaks if I feel myself slipping. Any advice on other things I should be mentally working toward?

It probably will be harder. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyhow, here's an exercise that helped ME, and might work for you. I got it from Marianne Williamson's book on forgiveness (might have "Fear" in the title). She's too new agey for some people but the practical parts really helped me. ANYHOW, I would turn my marriage or my pain/anger over to God (or the universe or whatever you see your higher power as)

and I'd say it out loud. "God, I turn my marriage/pain/anger over to you." By thinking it, saying it, hearing myself say it, many times in a row, I found myself calmer.

Of course, I'd do this in the shower or where no one heard me so I didn't seem crazy. I literally said it 20-50 times before I expected a call or visit from h.

There are others but that's what comes to mind at the moment.



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