So Confused and Conflicted (6)

[25yearsmlc]

Yeah. Our marriage could have been made to be what she needed it to be, but she would never stay away from other men.


This is a ^^^ new comment of yours. Previously you said she asked you often to get more social and go out so she and you were not the only social interactions she had.

The OM is the first A you know of.

Do you remember the things she asked of you, that you did not do? Many of those things are what we have urged you to DO, not say or think about or consider, but really do...the rumination are not getting you anywhere.

Second, there are no words that are going to get her back. That was the point of my earlier post. I am someone who uses words for a living and yet my words fell on deaf ears with my h.

He could not hear me. He was on his "mission" and the most I could do was GAL to detach, be present for my children (and losing my anger was key to being available to my children, instead of constantly being preoccupied with my pain and blaming h).

To my knowledge there was no OW. (If there had been, then he'd really have been fully crazy to keep demanding i/we join him up there.)

I guess you could say Alaska was his mistress/OW.

There were 2 tasks as I saw it. Nourish & protect my kids, and nourish and protect myself. I did not want my m to end, but I also knew I had little control over that.

I've discussed the GAL before, and just want you to know we hammer it b/c it works. I'm not sure you really believe that.

I don't believe you can outhink something your w feels.



Always resisted not being able to have male friends. I always told her that's how romantic feelings for another man can come about. When she first told me how nice this guy at work is (OM). I said, "Great. Another guy that I have to worry about."


W,
This^^^ type of comment is a huge turn off to a woman. Yes, we want sensitive men who give a crap about how we feel AND who show it. We also want men who know their value (and earn it) and don't whine or blame us for their own insecurities.

My profession was mostly male, and while I was in the military, there were 9 men for every women. I did not cheat.

If my h had told me that he was worried about every man I worked with, ...it would have made him look weak in my eyes. Not attractive, and if I was the only person in his life outside of work, that would have eventually felt burdensome.

When an interesting man joined my office, our tendency was to invite him over, along with some friends. No mystery, no hiding. but it did require effort at times.

I certainly had to attend a million military wife functions (though I was also active duty) and doctor's wife things. It's just what you do.



This was back in the summer, right after she first started the new job. She said, "No, he's old." I said, "How old?" She told me he was 36. I suppose that was her first lie about him, that he was old. We then argued some about it,

what were you arguing about, his age? You wanted her to quit? And have you as her sole social life? Wsh, that is a lot to put on one person.

and she complained that she needs to be able to be friends with her coworkers. I told her that she needs to have friendly professional interactions, but she doesn't need to be friends with the males. The workplace is such a toxic environment for infidelity, because you spend so much time there. That's one of the major disadvantages to women entering the workforce -- too much interaction between the sexes. It's to the point where they see the people at work probably more than their own spouses.

oh for God's sake...

You are giving away all your power. Why is that?

You speak in very vague generalities about being a better more attentive h and nurturing to her but then you revert to blaming her or OMs, and now it's women in the work force. It's as if you think most women cheat. That's not my experience at all.

Btw, Did you make that IC appointment? How did it go?

Also I'm curious, Do you have any siblings?


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