Thanks Jeep74. every day that goes by it's becoming easier for me to accept a possible split. Not saying it doesn't still scare me, but looking at it from a spiritual sense, for me at least, I know there is a reason behind everything, and we grow from the darkest of nights. there is a line in a song I like from Disturbed, it says "sometimes darkness can show you the light". I can take this two different ways- either this whole blowup was supposed to happen to expose our faults, and help up to become stronger in our marriage- or it's meant to catapult us into something much greater for each of us, individually, as we go our separate ways. I'm becoming closer to accepting the latter, but, It still hurts, tremendously.
Thanks Jeep74. every day that goes by it's becoming easier for me to accept a possible split. Not saying it doesn't still scare me, but looking at it from a spiritual sense, for me at least, I know there is a reason behind everything, and we grow from the darkest of nights. there is a line in a song I like from Disturbed, it says "sometimes darkness can show you the light". I can take this two different ways- either this whole blowup was supposed to happen to expose our faults, and help up to become stronger in our marriage- or it's meant to catapult us into something much greater for each of us, individually, as we go our separate ways. I'm becoming closer to accepting the latter, but, It still hurts, tremendously.
I like your line of thinking, and quite honestly wish I was like that back then. It will always hurt, in some form. Always. Just as they will always be a part of us...there just is no getting around that fact. And there will always be something that will jog a memory or something and everything will come flooding back. So far, that hasn't happened. But, I'm also at a place where I'd be OK never seeing or talking to her again. I don't know what got me to that point, and at times that bothers me a little.
You just have to learn how to compartmentalize things in that regard. It will always be there. And in time, you'll come to find that memories will be happy. Weird, I know.
You got this. You are in a far better place than I was at your point!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
there are days, or just even hours that I think I "got this" and then the next thing I know I am just overwhelmed with fear and sadness. last night, as I was leaving the gym, I thought to myself -"wow, I feel like everything will be okay either way. this is a great feeling." then waking up this morning next to him I was like "NOOOOOO!" I can't lose him!" ugh. It's up and down, but like I said, that little light beaming from the keyhole at the end of that long, dark and scary tunnel is making itself known.
there are days, or just even hours that I think I "got this" and then the next thing I know I am just overwhelmed with fear and sadness. last night, as I was leaving the gym, I thought to myself -"wow, I feel like everything will be okay either way. this is a great feeling." then waking up this morning next to him I was like "NOOOOOO!" I can't lose him!" ugh. It's up and down, but like I said, that little light beaming from the keyhole at the end of that long, dark and scary tunnel is making itself known.
You'll find that little light will grow brighter every day. It was almost 2.5 years from BD to divorce. In that time, I was just like you - I got this, then NO, yes, no, etc. I was more up and down than a freaking roller coaster. But, suddenly I was like, I GOT THIS. And I did.
It was like trudging up a muddy hill in a blinding rainstorm...for every step up it was like 10 back. A long, long haul. Me? I'm in a great place now. I'm happy for the first time in a long, long time.
But you are right, that tunnel is dark. And scary.
The gym is awesome. Find a punching bag, too. What are your hobbies?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
punching bag sounds great! I am basically an outdoor gal. So, basically anything outdoorsy- animals, horseback riding, camping, hiking, canoeing, organic gardening and canning, those types of things. I like connecting with the natural world more than anything. So since it's spring, finally, and the weather is warming up, it will be easier to get back into what I love to do. I've been wanting to take up archery - traditional bow- because my H loves shooting bow and I thought it would be a great way to connect with him, and I had always been interested in it. I asked for one for christmas....did'nt get one. oh well.
Archery sounds like a great idea! Just so as long as you don't take it up thinking it will catch his interests, but I know I don't have to tell you that. One of the things that make it great is that it requires total concentration - which takes your mind off of things. My brother has both compound and long bows. I never learned to shoot them, though.
I, too, love the outdoor stuff. Great hobbies you have. Love hiking, too. When was stationed in upstate NY, spent many a time hiking on the trails and all. Good stuff.
The point of me asking about hobbies is that they are a great, great way to occupy your mind. For a long time after BD, I didn't do mine - until I restarted and really dove in. Helped me through some of the darkest of times.
And the punching bag works great! Especially if you tape a picture on it...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
haha, that last line made me laugh! I can just picture myself doing that, and then be like- oh no, I didn't mean to hurt you! haha!! Yes my favorite place to go is the Upper Penninsula, Michigan. Hiking along the pictured rocks national lakeshore, it's like my slice of heaven up there. We are supposed to head back in June, but who knows, now. we had an amazing time up there last year, so I'm sure those memories are going to come flooding in...blah! Long bow is what I want to try. My Uncle may be setting me up with one, I just haven't gotten around to asking him yet. Yeah, as far as my hobbies go, I have no interest in them right now, as pathetic as that seems. all of my energy is focused on saving this marriage, it's all I can even get my brain to do. Keeping my seedlings alive under my growlight is even a hard task for me at this point, and I was down there every other hour watching them grow before this all happened.
Never spent any time in that part of the country. All up and down the eastern seaboard with the exceptions of a few TADs in San Diego and San Antonio. Bet that is beautiful country. There was this place we'd always go in NY that was stunning. Especially after snow was on the ground. Wish could post pics on here as the scenery is amazing.
[quoteYeah, as far as my hobbies go, I have no interest in them right now, as pathetic as that seems. all of my energy is focused on saving this marriage, it's all I can even get my brain to do. Keeping my seedlings alive under my growlight is even a hard task for me at this point, and I was down there every other hour watching them grow before this all happened.][/quote]
It took me a long time to even want to work on them. Now, my son and I do them. How awesome is that?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I am basically an outdoor gal. So, basically anything outdoorsy- animals, horseback riding, camping, hiking, canoeing, organic gardening and canning, those types of things. I like connecting with the natural world more than anything. So since it's spring, finally, and the weather is warming up, it will be easier to get back into what I love to do. I've been wanting to take up archery - traditional bow- because my H loves shooting bow and I thought it would be a great way to connect with him, and I had always been interested in it. I asked for one for christmas....did'nt get one. oh well.