What would be the harm in reading the books? You can decide later on if you want to be married or not. If you make this decision now out of anger, you may regret it later and not have another chance.
Interestingly we have children almost exactly the same ages and sexes. I have been on this path a while. It is devastating to the children. Consider that before you proceed further.
I don't mean to make light of this in any way, but it sounds a lot like Lady Di and Prince Charles and how she said there were always three people in the marriage. It looks like yours has been that way as well.
I had many years of actions and red flags I ignored. One of the hardest things for me, and I suspect it will be for you, is forgiving yourself for not seeing it. For not wanting to believe. I am telling you this now and I hope you remember it. It does not meant that you are a sap or stupid. It meanst that you have a kind heart and a good soul and you projected onto your wife your own goodness and that caused you to silence that voice inside of you that said that things were not right.
Forgive yourself, read the books, work the program, live as if you are moving on, but keep the door slightly ajar until you are strong enough to make that decision. Please do it for the benefit of your children, at least for now.
