there are days, or just even hours that I think I "got this" and then the next thing I know I am just overwhelmed with fear and sadness. last night, as I was leaving the gym, I thought to myself -"wow, I feel like everything will be okay either way. this is a great feeling." then waking up this morning next to him I was like "NOOOOOO!" I can't lose him!" ugh. It's up and down, but like I said, that little light beaming from the keyhole at the end of that long, dark and scary tunnel is making itself known.
You'll find that little light will grow brighter every day. It was almost 2.5 years from BD to divorce. In that time, I was just like you - I got this, then NO, yes, no, etc. I was more up and down than a freaking roller coaster. But, suddenly I was like, I GOT THIS. And I did.
It was like trudging up a muddy hill in a blinding rainstorm...for every step up it was like 10 back. A long, long haul. Me? I'm in a great place now. I'm happy for the first time in a long, long time.
But you are right, that tunnel is dark. And scary.
The gym is awesome. Find a punching bag, too. What are your hobbies?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
