New member, please help.

[MoveFrwd]

I fear it is to late.

Lets start here. Give up this attitude. It is NEVER too late until you decide that this relationship isnt what you want anymore. Frame your thoughts this way: the marriage is already over; getting the legal divorce decree is only your way of reporting you relationship status to the government. So stop fighting against the state of being divorced as that isnt what will change your situation. Instead focus on healing YOU.

Over the last few days I have said that I wish to returned to the main bedroom baring in mind the advice and because I believe that sleeping downstairs did not help the situation.

This is not why you want to return. It isnt as a means of 'helping the situation'. You should be in the MBR because YOU are the one fighting for this marriage. If she wants out, she can go. Why are you asking for her permission?

She has been speaking with my brothers x wife who has encouraged her to do it giving advise and today she will have seen a solicitor.
She has said when we have debated/argued that she would stop the divorce if I moved out.

Dont fall for that. She will say whatever she thinks you want to hear in order to manipulate you to get her way. Of course she wants you out; stringing you along with a potential for R is a great way to do it. Read back in BEClem's situation - he was out for 6 months and was never able to move back in.

Today, while writing this I discovered that my daughters gym display was on at the last minute and when I arrived for it my wife was there (having taken time of work) with the parents of my daughter's best friend. The ones who have my daughter for sleepover on nights when my wife goes out. I told my wife that her not telling me was disgraceful and argued with her friends husband when I thanked her for telling me. My wife remained with them for the display and we left separately.

Why is it your wife's responsibility to tell you these things? Is she your mother? You should start to take a more active and proactive role in your kid's life. Get the newsletters. See whats going on with her.

I think my wife has made it very clear that she feels trapped by me trying to persuade her. She says I try to manipulate her and use emotional blackmail.

Sounds like she's telling you to stop pursuing her. Same kinds of things we're saying to you. Back waaaaaaaay off.

I always showed love for my wife and often told her I loved her. In our time together we were never apart and always held hands when out.

Have you read the 5 Love Languages? I think it may be eye opening to you.

I do wish to change who I have become, our circumstances and be able to reverse our financial situation and take care of my Family.

These are words. Where are the ACTIONS to back that up?

I am apprehensive but willing to go outside of my comfort box and work on myself but there is much to do. I am really shell-shocked.

I am anxious and desperate but willing to try anything.

Have you ever been on an airplane? You know what they say? Put on your own mask before helping others. If youre a shell of yourself, youre of no good to anyone. So you cant have a healthy relationship until YOU are healthy. What are you going to do to heal? No 'try's. What are you going to DO? And WHEN?

I have to say that advice from family who have talked with my wife is to see solicitors and start proceedings before I lose everything. They refer to the fact that I didn't go to mediators after my wife said she would delay and it now appears that I am unreasonable.

Have you read DR? Theres a large section about family and therapists giving advice. Most just want to tell you what you want to hear to feel better.

In my opinion, if you dont want a divorce, dont file for one. Simple as that.