James, please reach out to someone near you. Your words concern me. It is not too late to get help. You are seriously depressed and need someone to talk you off the ledge where you currently stand.
It is difficult to deal with serious issues when we are in so much emotional pain. The emptiness and loneliness you feel today, is not permanent. Please, call someone......maybe a hotline.......but call and let someone know you need help right now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
