Sandi, I am sorry for not writing sooner. I actually fell asleep on two occasions having started and yesterday finished a considered message only to press the wrong icon and lose it.
Since then things have become much worse and I don't know what to do and I am barely coping with it all.
Sandi, I am so very thankful for your and everyone's help but I fear it is to late.
Over the last few days I have said that I wish to returned to the main bedroom baring in mind the advice and because I believe that sleeping downstairs did not help the situation. In addition I asked my wife to pay for our child's school Club and when she said she had no money I said you could afford to go out for dinner yesterday( with the children) I actually returned to the bedroom last night as the night I intended I worked through the night and didn't want to disturb her when I returned. Anyway it seems my comment about the dinner pushed my wife to now want a divorce and yesterday she told me that.
She has been speaking with my brothers x wife who has encouraged her to do it giving advise and today she will have seen a solicitor. She has said when we have debated/argued that she would stop the divorce if I moved out. Today, while writing this I discovered that my daughters gym display was on at the last minute and when I arrived for it my wife was there (having taken time of work) with the parents of my daughter's best friend. The ones who have my daughter for sleepover on nights when my wife goes out.
I told my wife that her not telling me was disgraceful and argued with her friends husband when I thanked her for telling me. My wife remained with them for the display and we left separately. Later it became clear that they are instrumental in condoning her actions probably pushing her in that direction. The husband made it clear what he had always disliked me.
In answer to your questions, I was very clear but I struggled and the date was put back numerous times.
My wife did understand but I think in hindsight, for the last 5 years did not agree with my continuing and wanted me to get a job.
I didn't discuss my progress to avoid pressure.
I think my wife has made it very clear that she feels trapped by me trying to persuade her. She says I try to manipulate her and use emotional blackmail.
Along with these and other friends and family I am fighting a losing battle because she confides in them but will not talk to me about our issues, or see a professional with me.
Though I believe she has seen a therapist herself for depression over my working and or the marriage.
I always showed love for my wife and often told her I loved her. In our time together we were never apart and always held hands when out.
I do wish to change who I have become, our circumstances and be able to reverse our financial situation and take care of my Family.
I am apprehensive but willing to go outside of my comfort box and work on myself but there is much to do. I am really shell-shocked.
I am anxious and desperate but willing to try anything.
I have to say that advice from family who have talked with my wife is to see solicitors and start proceedings before I lose everything. They refer to the fact that I didn't go to mediators after my wife said she would delay and it now appears that I am unreasonable.
