I will be following along! hoping for the best for you, whatever that turns out to be. reading all these stories helps me to cope. my day started out not so great, and ended not so bad. its getting better for me by the day, despite my H's weird, up and down behavior.
thanks again for your sound and hard-hitting advice. I read your words quite a few times before they managed to sink in. I will keep revisiting them. It is an inward battle between my heart and mind and everyday there seems to be different winner. It is starting to get extremely difficult to not see her as the other side one minute and my wife/lover/best-friend the next. But, I'm doing my best to take my emotions out of the sitch as I know that will not help matters.
I've GD for over two weeks now. NC from her either - I sometimes wonder if she is actually using the GD stratagem on me! Nothing - except for that message which I mentioned earlier. I know you suggested I should've responded as I would to a neighbour but, I personally felt I left it too late and it would have been awkward after a few days had passed. I don't know if I made the right call there. I really don't.
One of my chief concerns is that she has surrounded herself with her mother and new and old friends that will reinforce her decision and encourage her to move on, live her life, explore the greener grass - even if she is not really technically in that frame of mind. Yes, I suddenly do not have a lot of well-wishers in this. My biggest fear - based on how planned and calculated her 'exit strategy' was - is that she actually DOES want to move on. I cannot see why else she would block me on Instagram if not to hide what a dandy old time she is having? I know I can't control this but, I find it extremely painful to bear. It is as if she took a pair of scissors and cut me out of her life. Nevertheless, these words of yours keep ringing in my ears so I will do my best to '...be her lighthouse. Be where she left you (but a stronger, calmer and happier you). Be bright and strong and reliable. Be kind and loving (from afar). Let her decide how close to shore she can risk coming.' Though I can't sometimes help feel like a right mug about it.
I read your post again on how to handle dealing with common friends - as I really need to reach out to a couple in the next few days on matters completely unrelated. What is your opinion if they bring it up and it becomes apparent that they have already picked her side? Should I then get my side of the story out? Or still take the high road? I honestly don't want to play these games but, the way I've been treated so far, I don't really know what to expect from anyone.
Edit - this reply is to Ownit - Cadet
Last edited by Cadet; 03/28/1710:53 AM.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
Sunmoon, thanks for your words of encouragement. I don't know what I'd do without this forum and all you great folks here. I'm really glad to hear that things are getting better for you. Really hope some that magic rubs of on me too - I could really use it.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
One of my chief concerns is that she has surrounded herself with her mother and new and old friends that will reinforce her decision and encourage her to move on, live her life, explore the greener grass - even if she is not really technically in that frame of mind. Yes, I suddenly do not have a lot of well-wishers in this. My biggest fear - based on how planned and calculated her 'exit strategy' was - is that she actually DOES want to move on. I cannot see why else she would block me on Instagram if not to hide what a dandy old time she is having? I know I can't control this but, I find it extremely painful to bear. It is as if she took a pair of scissors and cut me out of her life. Nevertheless, these words of yours keep ringing in my ears so I will do my best to '...be her lighthouse. Be where she left you (but a stronger, calmer and happier you). Be bright and strong and reliable. Be kind and loving (from afar). Let her decide how close to shore she can risk coming.' Though I can't sometimes help feel like a right mug about it.
Mine did the same thing - they all do that...surround themselves with people who validate their decision. Do you think they'd rather be with people who say its a bad idea? No, they don't. They hear what they want to.
Now, don't worry about the reasons for her blocking you. I assure you it isn't to keep you from seeing how "good" of a time she is having. More likely that she wants nothing to do with you seeing it...and maybe even the relationship. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter why?
Remember the butterfly analogy that I use so often? See, think of your wife/marriage as a butterfly. What happens when you squeeze it in your hand? Kills it, right? So, what's best for the butterfly? Yep - it needs fly...fly away and do what it needs to do. Its up to you to provide a safe space to land on. If - and that's a big IF - she chooses to alight again on your opened hand, then that's great. But, if she chooses not to, then you best be ready to fully grasp and live with that.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Now, don't worry about the reasons for her blocking you. I assure you it isn't to keep you from seeing how "good" of a time she is having. More likely that she wants nothing to do with you seeing it...and maybe even the relationship. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter why?
I guess then I'd know for sure that she is not in slightest affected by all this and has moved on. It would allow me to shut the book on her. Definitively. Who knows?
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Remember the butterfly analogy that I use so often? See, think of your wife/marriage as a butterfly. What happens when you squeeze it in your hand? Kills it, right? So, what's best for the butterfly? Yep - it needs fly...fly away and do what it needs to do. Its up to you to provide a safe space to land on. If - and that's a big IF - she chooses to alight again on your opened hand, then that's great. But, if she chooses not to, then you best be ready to fully grasp and live with that.
Really crushing my hope with this bit. Perhaps it's what I need to hear now.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
I guess then I'd know for sure that she is not in slightest affected by all this and has moved on. It would allow me to shut the book on her. Definitively. Who knows?
The thing is, by looking at her stuff you are going down a dark, dark path. Been there. And it [censored].
Quote:
Really crushing my hope with this bit. Perhaps it's what I need to hear now.
Not meaning to, but its the only option.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Jeep74, I just realised I'm not aware of your story-did you manage to save your marriage?
No, man. Divorced almost two weeks ago to the day...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
