You're super cool! You've got a good handle on how this stuff works.
Problem is and has been making sustainable changes. Life gets ahead of you and you lose your focus. Learning a lot about being a little selfish and doing for me is not a bad thing at all. In fact, not doing for me makes a real dull me.
Love the quote from The Shining: "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." It's really freaking true.
I fixed a bit my work-life balance a few years ago, but still did not fix me as an individual nor me as a husband. Really improved as me the dad and that's been wonderful.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Venting today as I'm mixed up emotionally. No change on the path and that's all good. Just irritated.
The W gave the "been alone forever" speech today and I kindly validated the statements and her feelings. I called her on her contributions to this in a firm, gentle way not trying to create a real R or M discussion and this was fine.
She said in the end of this that "this is not the type of marriage I want" and I said "well we can both agree on that" and walked off to head to the gym. For us, it's about the intimacy or lack there of and we're in 100% agreement.
Please know that I understand my faults in this and am not dismissing them (depression, expressing myself). The emotional part for me is just plain anger. She doesn't bring up issues and problems for years and then it's I want out.
We've both ignored and both have equal contributions into this mess. I get that we might not be able to unwind it and so be it. I find it to be a weak excuse for things and it's the classic WAS. I get it, but sometimes I just don't get it!!!!!
She's wanting to move up the apartment because she's got control issues. Right now, it's really the only thing she has control over in her life. At the house, me and the kids got it under wraps. She's been running over to her female co-worker for support because her family is not 100% supportive on this. They know she's going to do what she wants.
Ugh... starting to feel like a rant, so I'll run at this point. I know many of y'all here feel both sides of this whether you are the WAS or the LBS. I'm just really thankful to have found this site and everyone here to bend an ear and support.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
She doesn't bring up issues and problems for years and then it's I want out.
Yep. In her mind, she's checked out long before mentioning it. Maybe she held out hoping things would change. Maybe she mentioned, however casually, things that bothered her. Maybe she didn't. That's all irrelevant now, though. No use in trying to figure it out because you won't get the answer you want.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's all irrelevant now, though. No use in trying to figure it out because you won't get the answer you want.
No doubt. Serenity right? I'm really not even wanting an answer right now at all. Is part of me not wanting that because I already know what that answer is? Sure. Part of me is just wanting space as well a big T.O. Baby ala Dick Vitale.
Ultimately, I know I don't get to determine all that. What I do know is my life for me and my life for my kids is about to get great with or without the W.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
What I do know is my life for me and my life for my kids is about to get great with or without the W.
You, my friend, are in an awesome place. Good on ya!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You, my friend, are in an awesome place. Good on ya!
Thanks Jeep. It takes work to stay there, but it is good. Since this my second time with my W, the shock factor is less. All the questions of why we got here have answers. Still miserable to be doing this again, but that all helps in a huge way. I'll be a better man after this.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
In all honesty, are you wanting to try and save or hang up your hat?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You've got a good handle on how this stuff works.