Karen, Thank You! You have made my day. I knew that post would make some people angry, but I was hoping that it would also make some people think. So, I'm glad it got you going.
Yes, you are right, it is frustrating for me to read some of the threads here. I wonder why I put myself through the aggravation at times. I don't mean to sound all high and mighty here. I certainly have made my share of mistakes, and I will be the first to admit it.
My old thread is buried. I really needed it at first, but then it just became repetitive to me. Luckily, I recognized very quickly that I was a crazymaker. I remember the day I saw that word! I was shocked. Who knew there was a name for people like me???
I guess the first step is to keep your thread going, and keep current with the people that will be honest with you. Not the arfers. I think that I explained a while back that "arfers" are those that constantly tell you how great you're doing, while you repeat the same mistakes over and over and over.
We're not here to be cruel to each other, of course, but some no-nonsense commentary is sometimes quite helpful. (A "2X4, " to use DB terminology.) I needed those, and thank God I had Meredith and Betsey to give them to me. They didn't let me wallow. They asked the tough questions. To my credit, I did the tough work and responded honestly. Even if it meant telling things about myself that were not too flattering...
Anyway, if you keep a thread current, and you are willing to dodge a couple of 2 X 4's, that's half the battle. The other half is to take that stuff to heart and really try to change it. It gets embarrassing when you realize that you are posting the same old stuff day after day after day.
We're all experimenting here. That's the beauty of this resource. What works for Bets may not work for me, but I may be able to draw something from it to suit my own sitch. The point is to keep moving forward.
So, in return, I appreciate your honesty!
Quote: I am one of those people who continue to chase my tail around. I KNOW what I should do, I KNOW what works, I KNOW what doesn't work, I KNOW why I do what I do, I KNOW what the payoff is, I KNOW what a good m I could have, yet I continue to do all the wrong stuff. Lord, I wish I could help myself. I know it is frustrating for you to read, as well as it is for my h to take.
Knowing this is HUGE! Don't be afraid to take the next step, Karen! You don't have to know WHY you do these things yet. Just know that you do them, and find your way to stop. For me, honestly, it was as simple as discovering that I just did not like myself, and that I wanted to change.
I drove myself to the library one day, and picked up every self-help book that I thought applied to me. Then I read, and I experimented.
I tell myself daily that I do not want to be a crazymaker ever again. It is a struggle for me many days. But, I have the willpower to keep being "crazymaking sober."
Why? I have to. For my H, for my kids, but mostly for me.
It sure feels great to go to bed each night not feeling bad for some ridiculous outburst.
So, I know I made this sound a lot simpler than it is. It is harder than anything I have ever done. But more rewarding too. You know that's the way life goes, though, don't you?
Thanks so much for your post.
You can control yourself. Lord, if I can...anyone can!!!
