So Confused and Conflicted (6)

[25yearsmlc]

My question, though, is why is it our instinct to do the things that will make our spouses not want to come back or stay? Mostly everyone wants to beg and plead, right?

I am not sure I understand the question exactly. But no, I did not want to do things I thought would hurt the cause.


I did not ever beg, and I did not plead so much as try to reason with him. (And I still think if I'd been in court arguing, I'd have won!)

But h could not hear me so it did not matter how brilliant and persuasive my points were. My words were totally ineffective. And so was anger, even if it was "right". The more I challenged his choices, the more he defended them. As far as I recall, once I really truly knew what did not work, I stopped doing it.

DBing helped me a great deal with no longer doing what was harming our m. I hired a DB coach too, and probably had 12-15 sessions with her. That was the single best thing I did.

It wasn't the only thing, but it was key.

Good luck