I guess I just needed to retreat a bit - Halloween was always big for us and seemed to mark the beginning of that busy season with a long list of shopping, crafting and baking.
This year was very different with 2 at university. I made a real effort to start new traditions and celebrate our lives in new ways. We are all older and wiser and capable of enjoying ourselves as a family of three adults. It was a good philosophy and we made it through New Year's without any drama. A bit melancholy here and there but we did well --- 3 ladies could have a dinner of appetizers and a movie marathon. We had a pedicure day and we just embraced our family dynamic as if that was the way it had always been.
H sent them each a token gift and hallmark card. No real personal message. Sent them the usual holiday group text. They did not respond. I felt bad for him but his gift was outdated and to text them after leaving 30 months ago???? It is tragic in many ways but you can't move thousands of miles away and just text. --- I wanted to try to fix it but this is not my relationship to fix. I simply said it was a positive thing that he is trying and I am not sure how he could handle things without it being awkward. They just moved on....
After new year's I discovered both girls went back to counseling on their own. It was a moment of great pride because I knew they'd be ok.... They knew to ask for help. They did not shy away from needing to work through things and they each said they knew I would support them 100% for practicing good self care. I was so happy just knowing they were setting boundaries and practicing self care.
It took me decades to understand self care. Life is not about perfection but they have a lot more in their toolbox when the storms roll in. For the first time, in a long time, I realized we were all starting to detach from the past.
So it is almost April. I have a new job that suits me for now. I am still in IC but the focus is on the future and my GAL is picking up. The girls and I are living well and moving on. We are a tight family. A small family but we have friends. We also celebrate each of us as individuals. I want my daughters to be strong on their own as well as with a partner. I want them to know we are not defined by H's MLC.
Guess I am up to date. Oh yeah - date??? No definitely not ready for that yet but starting to think more about tomorrow and the endless possibilities ahead.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
