Hearing the Fat Lady Sing

[Vanilla]

Forgump

A wingman perhaps?

Or wingperson or even a borrowed wingwoofie?

V

[ForGump]

Good point. Yup, I can use a wing-person....

[Dawgs]

Wingmen can be great...have been/used one on several occasions.

[JRuss]

What's up, FG? I hope you're adjusting well to your new life, and that your kids are doing well, too. Any tips? I'll be there very soon.

[ForGump]

Your "hint" as to how to contact you has been removed. The Board policy doesn't allow us to share personal info, i.e., links to how we can contact each other.

[ForGump]

JR no tips really

Other than to continue being true to your values, whether it means being nice to your STBX or not tolerating her b/s

As for all the feelings, let time take care of it, and in the mean time do what you have to do, or, better, do what you want to do

I feel as though waking from a long sleep, an illness

But things are fading in the rear view mirror and it feels good

Not perfect, but good

[doodler]

But things are fading in the rear view mirror and it feels good

Yeah man, one huge benefit to being divorced is freedom from the guilt of farting in bed after binge eating chips and onion dip. There's no more holding it back; just let it rip and watch the dog scurry out of the room. It's the simple things...

[JRuss]

Thanks for the update, FG. It sounds like things are going well for you, and that makes me happy. I hope your kids are settling in and doing well, too.

STBX is closing on her new house 5/11 and moving out 5/20 (she wants to paint a few rooms before she moves, I think). Divorce will be final in early June. I still get sad at times even as I get increasingly more sure I dodged a bullet in not having to live the rest of my life with this woman. It is disturbing to me that I put up with so much -- really, put up with getting so little -- for so long, and I convinced myself I was ok with that. Guess I can't cancel IC just yet -- still some unpacking there, for sure.

[LH19]

Sorry FG for the hijack and I am glad that you are doing well.

JRuss,

"It is disturbing to me that I put up with so much -- really, put up with getting so little -- for so long, and I convinced myself I was ok with that."

Can you expand on the sentence above? Also, would you ever consider reconciliation if your wife admitted she made a big mistake?

[JRuss]

LH19 -- my marriage, at least over the last 10 years of it, slowly devolved into one long, slow war of push/pull attrition, with me tying myself in knots trying to get my W to see the value in our marriage, and her always at least partly wondering/dreaming what it would be like not to have to be a full-time W and mother and always, at least on some level, communicating to me that she didn't think I or her life was good enough. There was no meeting of the minds/heart; she had no desire to deepen our connection, and that's what I was looking for and needing. I am still trying to learn some things about why I settled for that. I tell myself I did it for the kids, and that's certainly true to an extent, but some of that analysis is self-serving. Mainly I think I lacked the self-respect, deep down, to demand more and, if I didn't get it, be the one prepared to make a change.

No, I would not reconcile with her at this point. I've just never seen anything suggesting that she's capable of being in the sort of R that I now know I would want and need to have. She's a woman who voluntarily gave up half of her children's remaining childhoods so she could have a more stimulating life. I just find that repulsive, honestly, and pretty much irredeemable.