Hi, all. I'm here, Betsey, I'm here. I'm just a little weary, that's all.
First of all, Briget, you are incredible. I know I told you on your thread how amazed I am at how much you've changed. Well, let me be a little more detailed here. I remember reading one of your first posts. My first instinct? I am going to be honest here, but, bear with me, as it gets better... My first instinct was: She'll never make it. And, I didn't like you. I guess it was that whole thing about not wanting to work. I was thinking, yes, it sucks, but you have no choice here!
O.K., Briget, I am very opinionated, so forgive me that one.
But, I saw a little spark in you that kept me going back to read more. You were trying to learn to drive, you started working, you started going out.
It was then that I realized what a fighter you were, and I began to really like you a lot.
Now, if I, a total stranger, can see the changes in you, I'm sure your H can too. Maybe it scares him, who knows? Maybe it will take a lot longer for it to sink in.
As for him not feeling at home because the things in the house remind him of the bad marriage...well, all you can do is agree. And then sweetly say, "and I would never want a marriage like that again either."
I'm guessing he feels entitled to this OW because he feels as though you abandoned him with your illness. He was neglected, so he went to find some attention.
You can't change the past, but you can work to change his opinion of you.
I'm really sorry about his upcoming trip to CA. I know things like this make you want to quit, but you're not a quitter, Briget!
When is your next counseling app't? How often do you go, and how many more do you have?
I've only read about the one so far. Have there been others?
Keep focusing on you. I wish more people could be like you. You're going to be fine, Briget. No matter what. I know that it is scary at times, but keep moving forward. And, do it for you. If the marriage works, great. But don't let that be your only goal. Look at it as a benefit instead.
And, thank you for proving me wrong!
Second of all, Betsey, this weariness has me not liking the board too much. Oh, there are a few bright spots, but not enough. I guess I don't actively seek them out like you do. You do seem to find some really special people. I think I'm just in a "funk." Things here are fine, so it's not that. I don't have it in me to be an "arfer." (arfing seal..you know...) I was hoping for more give and take on how to be the best person you can be. What I see is a lot of people chasing their tails and then wondering why they are not getting anywhere. Am I just too impatient? Sure, I'll agree that for the first little bit that wallowing seems the only option. But, at some point it needs to go beyond that.
I feel heartless for thinking this. But, I can't deny who I am.
People should read Briget...over and over and over. And, of course, you too, Betsey. These are 2 examples of how to overcome adversity and make yourself a better person.
