Was down most of the weekend. Just going through the motions of ok this is happening. I re activated my Facebook because a co worker said she’d tagged me in something to do on my vacation coming up. I logged back in and pulled up my wife. Sure enough we are still friends. I went through and deleted her, mil, bil, every single one of her friends. The only mutual friends we have now are MY family and MY friends. I am kind of mad, she gives me divorce papers but still wants to stay friends on social media? For what? To keep tabs on me? I’m very mad. You don’t get to turn my life upside down, treat me like dirt and then still keep some sort of “friendship” that’s bull!!!!!! I also saw she changed her profile picture. she’s still trying very hard to look “good” where she can’t take a normal picture without tilting her face a certain way so she looks “skinny” it’s annoying, because she never worried about that before. She looks how she looks and its ok. (for me at least) Also updated her whatever picture, its all her “family” with the SOW’s son in the pic. No SOW, guessing she’s taking the pic. I guess Wife had to explain who that manly woman was when she introduced them to the family. Part of me wanted to keep her on my friends list, just to rub it in her face, let her know I’m doing good too. Since I’ve stopped updating anything. But what will that gain me? Nothing. I’d be reacting to her. So that’s why I decided to cut it now.
I’m more mad at myself. I spent all weekend in this funk. Sad, hurt, crying, for what? for a strange woman who jumps from relationship to relationship without care in the world of the hurt or consequences. I see her picture and it’s not her…it’s a strange feeling. I am having a hard time separating these two people. The woman I married and this person. It’s what gets me. I think my Wife is still in there. It’s hard to mourn her when she’s physically still there. I want this Divorce to end already, part of me think’s it’s cus I’m trying to run from it. And perhaps I am? But at the same time the sooner it’s over, the sooner I can move on with my life. Idk. It’s almost as if I want to erase her from my mind, but I don’t think that’s healthy… Some questions that popped into my head over the weekend, When / will I ever stop missing my wife? How long until the pain and hurt of a failed marriage go away? Also, from what I remember, didn’t the book say it took like a year before they came out of the fog? I guess I have no clue, other than from the weird looking pics and her back and forth that my w is still in a fog. But like…it’s been a year…and nothing. I know it’s over…so when will I feel better?
Thanks doodler, hawk, V, LT. I know you guys are here for me and I truly appreciate it. I’m going to get through this and I am going to be okay.
I’ve been lacking in the galing. I’ve been falling into my patterns of staying home most of the day, working and running, and that’s it. Occasional going out with friends, nothing crazy. I decided I need to get back out there, my goal is to do one meet up a week again. It helps that winter is kind of over here so the hiking and outdoor meet ups are in full swing. Also my softball team is getting together soon for the new season. Excited for that. I really enjoy that.
I think mad is a good place to be at, for my sanity toward stbxw.
