jbroken, I hope you will take this in the kindest most sincere way because your anguish is palpable and I want to do nothing to make it worse. That said, I feel like you are losing yourself in the details. You are recounting all the horrible things she said and arguing with us about them and treating them as if they are real and need to be defended against. There is a reason you are not supposed to believe anything she says at this point. That reason is that she doesn't know what she is saying and as many have discussed in their posts on this site, she will deny having said most of them.

You have to detach. If you can't detach from the idea of her, detach from the meaningless words. Detach from the idea that this is the wife you knew and loved talking. Let go of your expectations and, here is the hard one, let go of your hope. That's the one that kills.

As much as you want to hold on because you are afraid of losing her and afraid of her floating away, let go even harder. Let her go and live this life that she thinks has been eluding her. Stop trying to convince her and everyone else how much you love her and have done for her. Let her go out in the cold, dark night without you. Give her time and space so her thoughts can settle. As corny as that imagery sounds, it really is the best one--be her lighthouse. Be where she left you (but a stronger, calmer and happier you). Be bright and strong and reliable. Be kind and loving (from afar). Let her decide how close to shore she can risk coming.

If you try to hold onto her this hard, she will slip through your fingers. I know, I was standing there holding on for 7 years doing anything I could to stop him from moving out. I cried, I screamed, I begged, I manipulated, I threatened, and guess what, he went anyway (he forced me to push him out, but he was definitely the one who wanted to be gone).

Something about this site and these people are turning me into a believer. The more I let go of him, the more I find myself. And you know what, I'm a pretty awesome person and I bet you are too. I didn't know that before. I believed I was the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Not good enough.

Let her go. Let go for you. Give her a chance to find her way back to you because it is what she wants.