You guys are too good to me, really, it's true. I don't even deserve it.
I sit here dishing out advice--advice I could barely take when I was the LBS-- all the while I have a H that is pursuing and apologizing for two years and I can't quite get it straight, can I? Sigh.
roist, thank you. The turmoil doesn't end, however the agony and anxiety of the unknown does. I would never want to be in that dark place again. And I don't think I ever could. I am so much stronger now and more grounded in what I expect from myself and other people. This is the silver lining that I talk about. I wasn't always this way. We become more resilient as we learn to overcome hardships.
Sotto, I always enjoy your posts too. You have a very honest, yet kind, way of approaching people. I think there is so much to gain from that. You are correct--I often think there is something easier about letting go and starting new with someone else. No baggage and newness would be nice! I guess I still believe deep in my heart that I need to do the right thing. I also want what is best for my kids and our family. I do hear stories of people that D, move on to another M, and the same issues resurface. So if I can make this work, it's a win-win for us all.
helies, wow, thank you for that. I really like what you said about making a decision prematurely. So many posters struggle with the "what ifs," yet they will never get their answers. They want to know if they can forgive, if they can take them back, and they feel they need to decide or else. Here is the thing, you can decide on what you don't know. You can crave chocolate cake, but when the dessert menu comes, they may just have banana cream pie. Ok, bad example (cause your probably gonna get chopped liver), but the point is you can't know what you dont know. You can proclaim that you will never take your H back unless .... but until you see, hear, feel who they bring to you, then you can't know that now.
I like that you told me I am in a wonderful and necessary place. It's a good way to think about it. I need to be in this place, and take this time, to know and understand how to proceed. I have always had choices, but now I feel some power in the matter. I had power before, but my broken heart disallowed me to use it.
Tryin, that does make sense. Thank you for that. So much of his decision to leave was his inability to handle things, not a choice in itself to no longer love me. That is something he described all along--from day one--I just couldn't hear it when I was a LBS. All of you will get there in time, with or without your S.
So Retrouvaille is in the cards. It actually looks like this chips could fall into place soon. I find myself not wanting to make a decision. A close friend was opening up recently about her struggles with not being able to have children. She is newly married, has health issues, and it's unlikely she can ever have children of her own. When I told her I didn't know if I wanted to go to Retrouvaille, she told me she has been saying the same thing about having children. Then tears came to her eyes and she said that she does, and she realized recently that when she admits it, and knowing it may. It work, it is all the more painful ....
She was talking about me too. Is she right? A lot to think about...
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
