I just don't know how much longer I can do this......
I know that when you ask the question "how much longer can a person do this" usually means you still aren't ready. But, I am so tired of sitting around and not being able to make some decisions about my life because I am still tied to my H. Now I know he called me the other night and I didn't answer because I was worried about how I would react. He said he would call again but of course did not. I kind of expected that. I remember him telling me that he lacks courage when it comes to speaking with me. I can not help him with that.....he is going to have to figure that out on his own.
I called him today and he was of course at a friend's house. This is someone who made his life very easy for him when he was kicked out after BD. He lived with him for 3 months, never paid rent, utilities or anything. He just lived it up.
He said he would call me on his drive home, and I said "you wont, but okay" we sat there in silence and then he said "I'll talk to you later" and I just hung up.
I had a good day out of the house. Took the dogs for a long walk down by the lake, and looked at some places that I am thinking about moving into. But as I thought about my life moving forward I feel stuck in certain ways. I want to sell my house. I need to get out of here, but in order to do that I need to have a conversation with H about it (he is on the mortgage). I feel stuck because I can not detach.
I know that calling him is what has changed me mood, but I just need some answers. This has been going on since November 2015.
I can feel the anger just building up inside of me.
I'm angry because he cheated on me and only thought about himself and not how this would effect me I'm angry that he walked away from me...not once, not twice but three times I am angry that he never tried to make this work I am angry that he never signed the divorce papers I am angry that he continues to live his life like none of this ever happened, and with no regard for my feelings I am angry that HE wont file for D I am angry that he lacks courage
But what I am most angry about is how I continue to let him effect me this way.
