WW wife turned WA what to do? Sandi2 anyone?

[LiM]

75,

What do you want? Do you want to save your M if that is possible? Do you feel that it is worth fighting for?

Based on your last post, I see that your W is conflicted. That is a good thing. But if you want any hope of saving your M, forgiveness for everything MUST be on the table. If you want to save your M, you must be willing to forgive lots of things. You must be willing to forgive the A, not willing to do counseling, etc. Your W is in a fog. She can't even contemplate going to counseling while an A is ongoing. She is not herself. She is not logical. She is caught up in the fog of the A and can't think of anything other than feeding her addiction.
If you want to save your M, you have to be willing to leave the door open for her and forgive. If she thinks you will never forgive, she has no incentive to want to come back to the M.
I'll bet if you asked my W, she would also say that I couldn't forgive because of "how I am." And yet I can forgive, so long as she is willing to do the work to repair the damage she has done. Its not easy and requires more patience than I can muster. But I do it anyways because I do want my W back.
My W's A ended on April 2nd last year and she has been home since the beginning of May. The A ended because OM confessed to his W after I filed for D (and probably did so because he knew I filed for D and was probably going to expose the A to his W).
It has been HARD since then. Forgiveness is something that I have to work on daily.