Leaving it up to God (I think!)

[mleigh4]

Hi Coly,

Something brought me to read your thread this morning, I don't think I have posted to you before. First off, Happy Mothers Day! I hope you have a wonderful day with your D.

I can relate so much to your feelings on spending family time, I found myself nodding to myself through each of your posts. It's so hard, we want so much to be back to being a family and to spending that time with our H, then when they leave, those feelings bubble up. The confusion of wondering why they want to spend that time, they seem to enjoy it, then they leave? Then comes the resentment, then the frustration with ourselves of letting it continue....I totally get it.

In my case, I have allowed the family time for over 3 years, for my son. He was 7 when this all started and had a hard time adjusting. Over the years, spending time with the 3 of us has helped him, and I would do anything for my S, in spite of how it left me feeling. I got stronger and was able to deal with it, to detach better. My S just turned 10 and I now feel he is ready and much more stable. I am pulling away from the family time and leaving them to do their boy stuff together, so like you, it's a bit new to me. Like you said about your sitch, I don't feel like it's good for me. I too feel like it has held me back from completely healing from this and from opening myself up to what life has to offer. It took me a long time to get here, so please don't beat yourself up. There is no fault in loving your H, in wanting him and your family back, it shows you are only human.

I often question why they want these visits too. In my case, I think my H truly believes we can be buddies after all our history and in spite of all the pain and damage he has caused. I really see him living in a fantasy world.

But trust me and the others, you have gotten some wonderful advise here. As you start to focus on you, and put yourself first, you will feel that strength and confidence in you. Your D sounds like a smart girl, I admire her honesty with you.

Stay strong and vent here when you need to. Again, I hope you have a wonderful day