Leaving it up to God (I think!)

[Coly23]

Evening All. Just got back from a lovely afternoon with my family for my baby sister's birthday. We had a really lovely day.

Job, thank you so much. That quote really resonates with me. I really didn't feel like myself when he was coming over, it felt so false and just drained me every time and he knew it.

I will go dim now and remain dim unless he contacts me although I am still doubtful he will bother. The last time I went dim/dark I wobbled and contacted him after 7 weeks. I don't think it was long enough but this time I really don't think that it will help if I did contact him. Thank you Job, your words are always so comforting.

HaWho, great to hear from you. You ask a really good question about why I feel the way I do before he visits. I think it's resentment that makes me spin. I resent the fact that he is happy to come over knowing that he has no intention of wanting any relationship with me. Knowing that he will happily walk away afterwards and go back to being single even though we are legally married. It just felt so unfair and so wrong.

I think I am going to stay away from him for a while. He really brings nothing to the party at the moment so no point in inviting him. I've done the coffee invites which he happily accepted but rarely initiated so I think it is up to him now. No more pursuing!

Altair, that's a really interesting perspective about our H's and how time seems to stand still for them. You are right that H's visits were probably too much for him so I am pulling right back now. I am going to concentrate on myself and D, he can sort himself out.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend! Xx