Well, he seems to have noticed that I'm slipping through his fingers. He sent me an email regarding mortgage payments. He's deep into MLC replay.

His words in italics.

"I am following up on our earlier conversation to state that it is my expectation that you will continue to pay 100% of the mortgage payments until the house is sold."

I'd told him in counseling when he insisted the relationship was over and the house needed to be sold that my boundary was I was not living with him if he was ending the relationship and my salary was going with me when I left.

I have a lawyer who has told me that I am able to do this.

"During our conversation, you indicated that you don't feel that you are responsible for reimbursing me half of the house acquisition costs--paying off your credit card debt, closing costs, tax refund to sellers--all of which I paid up front. That premise is based on the fact that you are responsible for 100% of the ongoing mortgage payments. That is certainly how the bank understands it, since you are the primary signatory on the mortgage and since the mortgage is based solely on your income."

Earlier this week he gave me a word document with all that he'd paid when we bought the house. He had to pay off his truck and pay off one of my credit cards to get financing, which he happily did. Now his revisionist history is that I "made" him buy the house and so I owe him that money.

I told him that he's got zero business telling me that I need to reimburse him. He made the financial decisions he made to invest in our relationship, unilaterally ended the relationship, and now wants to hold out his hand as if we had some sort of 50/50 agreement? Yeah, no. That's not how that works.

There were no verbal nor written agreements of what would happen if we broke up.

The loan is not based solely on my income. And maybe I'm the primary signatory (which implies higher credit score and income, but I'm financially irresponsible, guys) but he's the secondary. If I don't pay then he's not released from his obligation.

"You cannot use the argument that you don't have to pay me back because we purchased the house as a couple and then not continue to pay the mortgage when the relationship does not go the way you expected. Your financial responsibility remains the same regardless of the status of the relationship."

a.k.a. Please set yourself on fire to keep me warm.

"This kind of financial irresponsibility in the face of an uncomfortable situation is one of the reasons I cannot continue in our relationship. During couples counseling with XXX, I mentioned a number of earlier instances that concerned me--your unwillingness to take on a roommate to help defray your expenses when you purchased your condo; your unwillingness to live at my condo temporarily in order to save money so you could pay off your credit card debt yourself and contribute to house acquisition costs. This current behavior fits a pattern."

Financial irresponsibility is the only reasons he has voiced for leaving. I have an 800+ credit score. We are current on all bills. I did have credit card debt when we met, but I made my payments on time.

I'm just in a no win. If I did have a roommate in my one bedroom (?!) condo, he'd now be saying I shifted from one dependency to another dependency upon him.

I like how he's also trying to bait me into paying. Because my financial decisions are the reason he's leaving, you see.

"No one is asking you to leave the house. If you choose to move out before the house is sold, my expectation is that you will continue to pay the mortgage until it sells."

LOL. Yeah, he's only making it miserable for me to be there but he's not asking me to leave so why am I leaving?

He's getting his wish - I'm leaving, but he wants me to keep making his decision comfortable for him?

Excuse me while I go scream somewhere.

He approached me in the kitchen this morning and told me he'd sent an email. He said that "we" needed to talk about "our" finances. I said "We?" How convenient that he now wants team problem solving.

I also made a few bristly comments. "Too bad we're not married, huh? You've got no access to my money." and "Well, now you know how I've felt for the past few months in dealing with your irrational decisions."

(Quick answers: Yes, I have a lawyer. Yes, I know that walking away may mean foreclosure. I accepted that as soon as I realized I was on a mortgage with someone irrational. He put money down on the house. I didn't. I've got nothing to lose other than a ding on my credit score.)

What do I do if my goal is to preserve our relationship? Respond? Not respond?

I realize that sounds crazy given that I am moving out, but he's so stubbornly negative that the only way to remove his focus on me is to get distance from him. Plus, he has kids and I don't.

I am a good person so it pains me to walk away and leave him in a bind, but I'm really suffering living with someone who hates me out of nowhere. And I need to remember that he made all of his decisions not caring about what happens to me.