MLC? Maybe you can tell me...

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you Job. It's so hard in the moment to know what is right. It's very difficult to do the 180 because whereas I want to show him that I'm doing great and make him wonder why he left, I also don't want him to let himself believe that I'm just fine and therefore he made the right decision. It feels like a no win situation.


only on the surface. The ultimate eventual thought that "if SHE was the problem, and I wasn't, why is SHE fine now?" is far more likely that you "proving" how great he was by being miserable without him.

And I hate saying this, needy, sad LBSers are not great at attracting back their WA spouses...

PLUS, you being happy is better for YOU. If he never returns, how will you showing your pain and loss, have benefited you?

If he does return, how does you showing your pain and loss, benefit YOU?

NOTE - It will not attract him back and it won't really feel welcoming to him, b/c it's like you are throwing your pain (= his fault/guilt) in his face.


Oh, and your girls are watching. They (and your h) know you are hurt. And angry.

The key here is your recovery and healing and being the best you, that you can become. Without regard to what HE does/plans/feels/says...

It's also paradoxically the most likely way to reattract him.


It's so hard for me to trust and hand this over to Him. I'm afraid that keeping this family together isn't part of the Plan.

That is scary. In my belief system, however, HE gives us the tools and strength we need to face whatever comes...can you ask for that?

Having faith that things will work out means accepting that they won't work out in the way I think they should.

accepting that they MIGHT not work out the way you think...


I realize this is counter to having faith in and of itself but I can't figure out how to let it go and trust.

Like actual forgiveness, I found that actually applying the faith I claimed to have had all my life, took practice.

I listened to Marianne Williamson a lot. She's too new agey for some. But I like her forgiveness exercises.

I would think about turning my marriage and pain and anger, over to God.

Then I'd say it, and that meant I had heard it. Thinking/saying/hearing myself say this out loud, many many times in a row, helped to calm me. And in time I think to an extent, I really did turn it over.

I did this every single day.

This did remarkable (miraculous?) things for my detachment.

Of course, I usually did it in the shower or when I was alone, so no one would think I was totally nuts.