I believe that ones words and actions, or lack of, can help to heal another or hurt them.
That my lack of leadership and inability over the years to ensure the family's security and so remove the burden from my wife have contributed to or caused her depression, though that doesn't entirely excuse her of any blame for her actions.
I have always tried to protect my wife without question, falling out with close family at times. Additionally, when we met I made it very clear I was prepared to walk away to stand by her and; prepared to go to war with some very rich and influential people on her behalf. I would never knowingly hurt my wife but I just didn't understand the messages she was communicating until it was too late.
Vanilla, I still love my wife despite what I have witnessed of her in another man's arms in the front seat of our car kissing, hugging and who knows what I couldn't see. But I am deeply hurt in ways I cannot begin to convey.
I absolutely love my children.
I try to work hard to improve the situation but I fail when my wife goes out for the evening or night because, well, you know. It rips at my heart.
I am trying to lead us to a better life and this includes healing myself and my wife if she will let me.
I also discovered, unbeknownst to my wife, that she will need an operation which could result in serious invasive surgery.
I think she may be very scared about this and the psychological effects very powerful. I feel for her and I am extremely worried for her health and well being.
I want to lead us to happier times and I am open to learning.
I thank you Vanilla and all for your support and I will reply as soon as possible.
Please read my next reply to Sandi2 as I have some further questions that you may also have a view on.
